Have you ever told yourself, “I’m going to start eating healthy tomorrow!”?
So, you grab the homemade cookie, and snack while watching Netflix.
Then, tomorrow comes and you’re like, “Hmm, maybe I’ll start next week.”
Or do you go to a darker place? The place where shame and guilt live.
If so, congratulations: You’re normal.
This feeling of “I want to change but also don’t want to change” is called ambivalence.
My wife calls it Magoo. It really is a weird feeling. You have a few things on your plate and yet.
You do nothing. You just have that blah feeling. Now suddenly it does not matter whether you complete your goals.
It is almost as if you are frozen in time. Maybe it is too many choices. I know for myself I get distracted very easily.
Maybe it is a lack of commitment? Is it a lack of discipline? Is it overwhelm?
Does it matter??
On one hand, you might really want to change and become a healthier, stronger version of yourself.
On the other hand, that sounds like a lot of work. Your old way of doing things is so comforting and familiar.
Trouble is, while ambivalence is normal and expected, people can also get stuck: As you (sometimes unconsciously) weigh the pros and cons of change, you don’t actually take action.
If you find yourself at this place, may I suggest asking yourself the following questions:
1. What’s GOOD about NOT CHANGING?
2. What’s BAD about CHANGING?
The answers to these questions are revealing.
All of our behaviors no matter how self-sabotaging they may seem, serve a purpose.
Your answers to these questions will tell you WHY you feel resistant to change.
You may also discover what purpose a current behavior is serving, and what you might lose if you give that behavior up.
For example, maybe you want to stop snacking at night, but it also helps you calm down, or avoid thinking about a stressful relationship.
Maybe restricting calories is starting to cause health problems, but it also gives you a sense of control when life feels too chaotic.
No wonder you feel such a push-and-pull.
The good news: Once you understand why you are doing or not doing these things. you can come up with different behaviors that help you in the way you need to be supported—without sacrificing your larger goals.
So, spend some time with the two questions above.
You may get that “AHA!” moment you need to push through. I know it has worked for me.
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